{happy birthday dr. seuss}

we sure love dr. seuss around here...and so in honor of his birthday...

What if Dr. Seuss Wrote the Book of Mormon

Nephi:
Of goodly parents I was born
I've never drunk, I've never sworn
This is Lehi, he's my dad
Laman, Lemuel, they are bad
And who is this? Why this is Sam.

Sam:
Yes, this is Sam; Sam I am

Laman:
That Sam I am, that Sam I am
I do not like that Sam I am

Sam:
In a tent, my father dwelt

Laman:
And it's so hot, I think I'll melt

Lemuel:
Our father's brain is out of whack

Laman:
Yeah, it's too hot, I'm going back

Lehi:
Then go and get the plates, my dear

Laman:
On second thought, I'm staying here

Nephi:
You said you'd leave and go away
Now all you want to do is stay?

Lemuel:
That Nephi always gets his way

Laman:
Here we are in this damp cave

Sam:
We would not be here if you'd behave

Nephi:
I will go and I will do
There's the angel, that's my cue
Laban's had too much to drink
Now he'll lose his head, I think

Nephi:
Look what I found, a brother from the quorum

Sam:
We will take him home, we will call him Zoram

Laman:
Our gold and silver we have spent
I do not like it in this tent

Lemuel:
I cannot read the Liahona
I must have drunk too much Corona

Laman:
We hate it here, we have no lives

Lehi:
Then go back to the city and get some wives

Lehi:
A tree, a tree, I see a tree!!
The fruit is white, the fruit is free!
A floating building, could it be?
Why do they laugh and stare at me?
Laman, Lemuel, come and see!

Laman:
We will not eat your precious fruit

Lemuel:
We will not wear a tie and suit

Laman:
We will not help you build your boat

Lemuel:
We do not think that it will float

Laman:
No not this boat, it will not float
Not even in a shallow moat
I do not care what Nephi wrote

Lemuel:
We will not eat your fruit I say

Laman:
We will not eat it on a tray

Lemuel:
And we won't eat it in a tent
Not even if your clothes you rent

Laman:
We'd rather have a can of spam

L&L:
We will not eat it, Sam I am

Sam:
You do not like it, so you say
Try it, try it, and you may
Try it and you may I say

Laman:
Sam, if you will let us be,
We will try it, you will see

L&L:
Say, we like this fruit of life
Sorry that we caused such strife
You've saved us from an awful jam
Thank you, thank you, Sam I am!






...and...


Bro Lurch and the Mormon Church

I am Lurch.

I am Lurch.

From the Church.

That Brother Lurch!

That Brother Lurch!

I do not like that Brother Lurch!

Do you like the Mormon Church?

I do not like the Mormon Church.

I do not like it Brother Lurch.

Would you read the Book of Mormon

Here or there?

I would not read it

Here or there.

I would not read it

Anywhere.

I do not like the Mormon Church.

I do not like it Brother Lurch.

I’ll have the Elders

At my house.

You could come over,

With your spouse.

I will not go

Into your house.

I will not let you

Teach my spouse.

I won’t read your book

Here or there.

I will not read it

Anywhere.

I do not like the Mormon Church.

I do not like it Brother Lurch.

We can talk about it

In this box,

With our latest convert,

Brother Fox.

I won’t discuss it in a box.

I will not meet with Brother Fox.

You won’t indoctrinate my spouse,

So don’t invite us to your house,

I won’t read your book here or there.

I will not read it anywhere.

I do not like the Mormon Church.

I do not like it Brother Lurch.

I’ll come and get you

In my car!

We’ll go to church

It’s not too far.

I would not,

Could not

In your car.

You may like it.

You may see,

We’ll talk about Joseph Smith

Or Genealogy.

I could not do genealogy,

Not Joseph Smith, Lurch let me be!

Not in a box,

Not with a fox,

Not in your house,

Not with my spouse,

I won’t read your book here or there,

I will not read it anywhere.

I do not like the Mormon Church.

I do not like it Brother Lurch.

A train! A train!

A train! A train!

We could go to Utah

In a train!

Not in a train! Not genealogy!

Not in your car! Lurch let me be!

I won’t discuss it in a box.

I will not meet your Brother Fox.

You will not get me or my spouse

To set one foot inside your house.

I won’t read your book here or there.

I will not read it anywhere.

I do not like the Mormon Church.

I do not like it Brother Lurch.

Say!

In the dark?

We can teach you stories

About Christ or Noah’s Ark!

I would not, could not,

In the dark.

You’ll have to give up

Your champagne.

There’s nothing wrong with my champagne.

I’ll need some when I get off this train.

Not Joseph Smith. Not genealogy.

I do not like them Lurch you see.

Not in your house, not in a box,

Not with my spouse, or Brother Fox.

I will not read your book here or there.

I will not read it anywhere.

I do not like it

Brother Lurch.

I do not like the

Mormon Church!

Maybe you think

Mormons are weird.

Were you told we have

Horns and a beard?

Mormons have parties

With snacks and Root-Beer.

You shouldn’t believe

Everything that you hear.

You know, I kind of like Root-Beer,

And parties are not all that queer.

I think I’ll give up my champagne,

I hear that stuff can melt your brain.

But no more cigarettes or tea?

I cannot do that! Can you see?

I won’t discuss it in a box.

I will not meet with Brother Fox.

I will not come into your house,

And keep your distance from my spouse.

I won’t read your book here or there!

I will not read it anywhere!

I do not like it Brother Lurch.

You do not like it,

So you say.

Try it! Try it!

And you may!

Try it and you may I say!

Say!

I like the Mormon Church!

I do! I like Brother Lurch!

And I’ll invite my friends to hear,

And teach them all to love Root-Beer.

I’ll throw away all my champagne,

And head for Utah on a train.

I’ll do my genealogy,

It is so fun, so fun, you see!

We’ll go discuss it in a box.

I’d like to meet your Brother Fox.

And you can take me to your house,

And have the Elders teach my spouse.

I’ll read the scriptures here and there,

And convert my friends everywhere.

I do like the

Mormon Church!!

Please,

Baptize me,

Brother Lurch.